Agony

A few days before Nikki was admitted to the hospital, an R.N. at the V.A. got an emergency phone call. Her 5 year old daughter was missing and believed to have fallen in a river.
I never really liked this nurse. She had 2 children, a 7 year old son and a 5 year old daughter. She was a single mother who loved to party (her own words). Her son was a hand full. In today's world he probably would be labeled ADD or ADHD. Her daughter was an angel. While Mom and Son were in bed, this little girl would get herself up and catch the church bus so she could go to Sunday School. This is according to the mother. This sweet child was even tempered and gave no grief to the babysitter or her mother.
We found out that the child had fallen in the river and drowned. Everyone donated for flowers.
After Nikki was admitted to the hospital, I began my maternity leave, it was only 2 weeks early. The day of the funeral of the child I was going to the hospital for Nikki. The funeral home was not far from the hospital. I walked in and sat in the back. The place was packed.
Up front there was a beautiful little white and gold coffin. I couldn't see the child, but I could see her favorite teddy bear tucked on top of her. There were flowers everywhere. The mother was beyond grief - she was alternating between heart wrenching sobs and out right howling. I couldn't stay. I left with tears streaming down my own face, hiccupping my breath in and out.
I left because I was carrying a baby about to be born around in my belly and my 17 month old baby was in the hospital. I had so much stress on me that I couldn't bear to see this beautiful child dead. It sounds selfish now.
I never saw this nurse again. I was away from the V.A. for 6 weeks and by the time I returned, she had quit.
I often wonder if this sweet child only needed to get her body here. Would she have been able to maintain her wonderful personality growing up in a household where her mom was more interested in a good time than being a good mom. Father knows what's good for us, we don't.