Sad

Sometimes I am so sad. Not today. Today I can talk about it. But there have been days when I just can't even get dressed in the mornings. There are days where the only thing I accomplish is literally getting out of bed. Two days ago I sat in my chair and just cried. Why? Well, there are secrets that cannot be exposed on a public sight.
I haven't been able to go many places lately. I'm afraid that people are looking down on me bacause I'm fat, or old or my hair looks stupid. Anything. I talked to my Bishop and he suggested going to a councelor. I have an appointment. I hope that works.
Bruce has been my rock. He has heard the worst about me and still loves me. Incredible. My boys have said they still love me, too. I don't know why.
I miss my grandchildren. It's a constant ache in my soul. I miss my children. I am such a failure for not being able to keep my family together.
I think the reason I love my pets so much is that they stay with me unconditionally. They love me. All I have to do is feed them and give them a scratch on the tummy. My little Ozzie sits on my knee most of the day and lays on my pillow at night. I wonder if he knows I'm sad? And Abbie gives me kisses. She sleeps between Bruce and I every night.
I want so much to be able to be happy with myself again. I want to be able to hold my head up and not worry what other people are thinking about me.
I want my family.